One of my least favourite times of the year is fast approaching. We’re already in the thick of it here in Kamloops B.C. Summer officially starts this Friday and today it’s gonna be 33 degrees (94.1 for you Americans). People usually shun me for hating summer, especially living in a city known for its hot dry summers, but quite frankly, you live where you live and you’re allowed to hate the weather.
There are some good things about summer. Maybe one of these days I’ll make a list. In the meantime, here are six of the things I hate about summer:
Summer Clothes Suck
Look, I’m a girl who loves her sleeves. I’ve got the thick-ass arms and unfortunately, I can’t work past my patriarchal conditioning and just love myself entirely, so I want my shirts to have sleeves. Any shirts I own that don’t have sleeves need to be covered with some kind of short-sleeved cardigan and I don’t care WHAT they say; there is no such thing as a summer cardigan you can feel comfortable in.
I also hate shorts. My thighs rub together, and no, I can’t just buy longer shorts. Mainly because they don’t exist, and also because my legs are only so long that any shorts longer than a few inches will just look like flood pants on me and we don’t want that.
I prefer skirts, under which I wear those skin-tight anti-thigh-chafing shorts which work wonders BUT also lock in the thigh sweat. It’s still better than having my legs stick to the chair whenever I go out for lunch but honestly, any form of sweat between my thighs is just unpleasant and awful and sends me into a fury of murderous rage. Thigh sweat makes me want to die. As a point of note, I WILL say that I quite like the thigh shorts with the lace trim on the bottom, because at least when your skirt rides up and people see my wild thunder thighs it looks kinda cute.
PRO-TIP: My of my hate for summer clothes comes from my many years of curvy girl problems. Honestly, just a nice range of t-shirts and knee-length skirts with bike shorts will get you by. Go full-on 80’s summer mom vibes with the high waist cotton skirt and some loose shirts and you’re gonna, like, survive, at least.
The Bad Foot Tan
Usually, when I go outside for summer it’s just to walk from one air-conditioned space to another, and I swear to God, I get a sandal tan even from 2 minutes of sun exposure. It’s the only curse of being half-Filipino and having ace tanning genes.
I used to take pictures of my bad foot tan year after year. I also once tried to remedy the issue with self-tanning lotion but that stuff is far too orange to match my real-tan skin tone it just looked like I spilled Tang all over my feet and never bothered to wash it off.
PRO-TIP: Go out with different shoes every time you spend extended trips outside. The tan kind of balances out between shades it’s like natural foot contouring.
Not Having Air-Conditioning
My parents couldn’t afford AC so I grew up in a hothouse every summer. The nice thing about childhood is that you walk away with few memories of the awful stuff. Later in life, though, I lived in an apartment with my sister that had a little living room AC, which was fine. Then I lived in a garbage townhouse without AC and that was when we got a portable air conditioner one summer, which was nice but also LOUD and I couldn’t watch movies on the TV with the Playstation on and vacuum and have the AC on at the same time.
The house my husband and I bought doesn’t have AC either and the absolute worst part of the day is the late evening after the sun sets and it’s actually cold outside but there’s already a swarm of mosquitos out there ready to take my blood, so I’m literally stuck in this hot ass house sweating pools over my computer.
I tell myself every year that THIS is gonna be the year that I get central air installed, but something garbage happens every summer that eats all my savings. This time it was our hot water tank that needed to be replaced. Hopefully next year?
PRO-TIP: Once the sun’s set and the temperature of your house matches the temperate outside, crack open ALL THE BLOODY WINDOWS so the evening breeze can work its way in and get some of the hot air out.
EXTRA PRO-TIP: If you can’t sleep in your disgusting sweat-stained bed, get out your early ’00s sarong or other light fabric, soak it up in ice-cold water and wring it out and use that shit as a sheet.
I forgive you for having a summer wedding. I get it. But I hate getting dressed for these things, ESPECIALLY if the wedding is outside and I gotta put on this cheap polyester dress I bought last minute AND do full-face makeup AND curl my hair with my curling iron AND wear heels that my sweaty feet are gonna get all blistered in AND somehow enjoy the reception even though I now smell like swass.
PRO-TIP: The older you get, the fewer weddings you have to go to. You also don’t have to go to weddings if you don’t have friends.
People Who LOVE Summer
Again, I get it. I do I do I do.
It’s okay to love summer and it’s okay to talk about how 38 degrees with no breeze and no clouds in the sky is great weather. It’s okay to hate me for hating the heat.
BUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS just let me post my Halloween memes without freaking out at me. Give me the freedom to look forward to something. You don’t see me getting mad at you for wearing your short-shorts on a 20-degree day in March.
PRO-TIP: Get a parasol. You’ll walk through summer with your own personal shade to throw, plus you’ll look classy and super goth AF.
Summer means wildfires. It’s scary. 2003 was a bad year for them here in BC, but now it’s EVERY. DAMN. YEAR. I’m tired of spending every August in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I worry about the kind of summers my kids will have in the future. I worry about a lot of things wildfire-related but hey, now this post is depressing AF.
PROS?: More smoke = less sun, so it’s not as hot. Also, more smoke means fewer weddings, unless you’re having a post-apocalyptic wedding, which I wouldn’t actually mind being invited to. I bet the photos will be rad.
Do you hate summer?
What’s the worst part? I thought about adding “mosquitos” to this list but I didn’t because who doesn’t hate mosquitos? Jon and I just bought this mosquito repeller and it actually friggin’ works. Worth the $70, even though the refills are still $30 each. And, if you’re a summer fan, don’t flip out at me here. Go outside and get sunburnt.